Managing Conflict in Your Divorce


Conflict is a prominent feature of many divorce cases in Singapore today. But how you manage this conflict can affect the outcome of the divorce proceedings.

Often, high-conflict divorce proceedings involve numerous contentious issues and escalations, which can take a long time to settle down and reach an agreement. But by managing conflict in your divorce, you can ensure that your divorce proceedings are over within a few months. Then you and your partner will be able to get on with your lives.

Managing conflict before the divorce

Give yourself and your partner time to process the news of impending divorce

Often, high-conflict partners don’t take the news of divorce very well. They tend to lash out and may even actively try to sabotage your plans of leaving them. So, it’s crucial not to spring the divorce news on them with very little time to prepare. Instead, give them time and space to get used to the idea that the marriage is coming to an end.

If you receive news of your partner leaving you, give yourself the time to process this information. The more you come to terms with the reality of divorce, the less conflict there is to rise.

Hire a high-conflict divorce lawyer to help you manage conflict from the start

A high-conflict divorce lawyer has extensive experience handling divorce cases that experience intense conflict. At Gloria James-Civetta & Co, our divorce lawyers have represented many high-conflict divorce cases. We have helped their clients navigate the challenges of conflict with skill.

Our matrimonial lawyers can help you safely and smartly deal with your divorce conflict and ensure you receive what compensation, ownership rights and custody rights are rightfully yours during the proceedings.

Don’t shut down the doors to communication with your spouse

One way to manage conflict effectively before divorce proceedings begin is to communicate with your partner. When you shut your partner out, you won’t know what they think, feel or want. This may become problematic since you may experience greater resistance during the proceedings than you otherwise would have. Instead, try to make the period leading up to the divorce a time for collaborative decision-making.

Managing conflict during the divorce

Be fair in your demands, but also know where to draw the line

It’s only natural for you to feel angry or upset with your spouse because of past experiences. But don’t let your feelings cloud your decision-making. When working with your high-conflict divorce lawyer, try to be as objective and fair about your demands as possible. This will minimize any conflicts that may arise later due to mismatched demands and expectations.

However, at the same time, don’t allow your partner to bulldoze you and keep you away from your rightful claims.

“Know where to draw the line and establish your boundaries.”

Your lawyer can help you understand what is rightfully due to you and what you need to ask for as part of your divorce agreement.

Use facts to lead your case

Conflicts can increase during divorce proceedings when you use feelings instead of facts to make your case. While it is only natural to feel very strongly about some issues during the divorce, it doesn’t help to make any accusations or point fingers at your partner.

Instead, allow your divorce lawyer to build a case based on facts. That way, you have the factually correct information to prove your stance and ensure the divorce proceedings result based on honesty.

Consider the bigger picture of kids

Conflict during divorce can affect your children as well. But when children start to take sides or voice their concerns, this conflict can increase. So, to manage conflict during divorce, try to think of how your kids may feel when they see you and your partner bickering. Winning an argument isn’t always the solution. It’s okay to let snide remarks slide and to stay quiet if it can make your kids feel more secure and loved.

Managing conflict after the divorce

Fulfil your legal obligations according to the divorce judgement

Conflict can continue even after divorce, especially if one partner is contentious. One of the main reasons this conflict occurs is because of the non-fulfilment of shared obligations post-divorce.

So, meet all of your legal responsibilities, and you won’t give your ex any reason to create conflict.

Be respectful towards your ex, especially in front of your child

Children are susceptible, and they tend to pick up any lingering negativity between you and your ex. While this is natural, it’s not right to showcase this negativity in front of your child. If your child hears you being disrespectful to your ex, it may either upset them or encourage them to mimic your behaviour. This can be a cause for deep-seated resentment on your ex’s part. So, to prevent conflicts from arising post-divorce, avoid being disrespectful of your ex in front of your child.

Seek co-parenting counselling to raise your child in a conflict-free environment

Co-parenting can be a wonderful way to give your child a stable upbringing after the divorce. But for co-parenting to work, you and your ex need to find ways to manage conflict. Therapy sessions and consultations with a family therapist or a divorce counsellor can help you find and create pathways to co-parent your child effectively.

If necessary, you can always seek mediation and support from your divorce lawyer if the conflict persists after divorce.

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