Divorcing a Narcissist Spouse in Singapore

Let’s start with explaining the following words:

“Narcissism” involves cockiness, manipulativeness, selfishness and underlying motives.

“Narcissist” means a person having high self-esteem and self-importance.

“Narcissistic Personality Disorder” means a long-term pattern of abnormal behaviour characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration and a lack of understanding of others’ feelings.

People affected by if often spend a lot of time thinking about achieving power or success. They often take advantage of the people around them for their own gains.

• Always insisting that he/she is right;
• Carrying grudges against you;
• Not willing to listen to you;
• Belittles you, making you feel inferior;
• Manipulates you and you feel used;
• Blames you when something goes wrong;
• Always controlling and domineering over you;
• Criticizes you and your appearance;
• Does not show TLC (tender love and care) towards you.

You can :
• See a marriage counsellor to work on your marriage;
• Accept your spouse’s behaviour, hoping that he/she will change;
• See a therapist to boost your morale and confidence and to acknowledge that it’s not your fault;
• End your marriage and put your own personal well-being first.

No one expects you to be trapped and suffer in a relationship when it is no longer sustainable and meaningful. If you have tried to save your marriage, sought counselling and realised that for your sanity and your well-being and that of your children is important, then it’s perfectly fine to divorce a spouse with narcissistic traits. No one expects you to live in marriage hell.

Is this true? How can I avoid a high-conflict divorce?
Let us give you some tips-

• Listen to your voice and act level-headed;
• Do not let emotions overcome you;
• Do not react adversely to any action/reaction from your spouse;
• Always put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and think what he/she is likely to do and use that thought to your advantage and strategize a counter-attack by applying logical steps and moves;
• Plan and have a bottom-line on what you wish to have as a full and final settlement of your ancillary issues. You need to know what you need to have for your future without your spouse;
• Hire a lawyer that is able to safeguard, negotiate and fight for your rights without pushing the matter for trial;
• Hire a lawyer that has training in negotiating and knows how to act in your interests;
• Prior to commencing action, meet your lawyer and discuss your rights and options and start gathering important financial information and evidence to support your case and claims;
• Have an open mind to resolve matters via the mediation process and keep litigation as a last resort;
• As much as family and friends support is important, do not let them dictate how you should run your matter;
• Do not involve and put your children in the middle of your dispute;
• Always ask yourself, am I acting reasonably or unreasonably?;
• Bear in mind that you have the control and you can manage the outcome of your future.