Discovering a partner’s infidelity is one of the most painful experiences a person can endure. Some have described it as “the worst moment of my life,” while others fear people around them discovering what has happened.
In the confusion that follows, many struggle with whether to stay, leave, or do nothing as they process the shock. Yet the decisions made in those early stages often shape one’s emotional, financial, and legal future.
Below are some of the most common mistakes people make when deciding whether to divorce after an affair, and how to avoid them.
Keeping the Infidelity Secret
Many who learn of a partner’s infidelity keep it private to protect family reputation or avoid embarrassment.
In Singapore, where family image and social perception matter, counsellors note spouses often keep infidelity private, sometimes at the urging of the unfaithful partner. This silence can prolong distress and make seeking support harder.
Secrecy lets damage grow. Hidden affairs force betrayed partners to carry the burden alone, making it harder to make good decisions.
Speaking to a counsellor or family lawyer early provides clarity, helps you process your emotions, and helps you understand your options without rushing into divorce.
Agreeing to Reconcile Without Proper Guidance
The desire to restore what was lost is understandable, particularly when children or long marriages are involved. But reconciliation made too quickly, and without professional input, can lead to further harm.
Before making any commitment to reconcile, it is important to seek:
- Legal advice — to understand your rights and the legal implications under Singapore law.
- Emotional support — through a counsellor or therapist who can help you evaluate readiness and boundaries.
People often reconcile due to various pressures:
- Fear – of being alone, of losing financial stability, or of the unfaithful spouse moving on.
- Social Concerns – anxiety about what others will think.
- Shame – humiliation or self-blame that clouds judgment.
- Religious Pressure – misplaced guilt or pressure to forgive prematurely.
- Family Influence – pressure from parents or relatives who prioritise family unity or access to grandchildren.
From a legal perspective, reconciliation may also affect your case. Under the Women’s Charter, adultery can be used as a ground for divorce. But if a couple reconciles and cohabits for more than six months after discovering the affair, this ground may no longer be available. Understanding this timeline is crucial before making any decision to reconcile.
Read more: Adultery in Marriage: What Singapore Law Says About Betrayal and Divorce
When an Affair Coexists With Suspicious Financial Behaviour
Affairs often leave a trail: hotel bookings, transfers, expensive gifts, entertainment spending, or cash withdrawals.
In Singapore, this becomes relevant because dissipation of matrimonial assets is taken seriously by the Court.
What is Dissipation of Assets?
Dissipation occurs when a spouse recklessly or deliberately uses matrimonial assets for purposes that do not benefit the family, for example:
- large transfers to another person
- excessive spending on the affair partner
- rapid withdrawals of cash
- selling or gifting assets below value
- moving money into accounts the other spouse cannot access
- using joint funds to pay for travel, accommodations, gifts, or loans to the affair partner
The Court may add back dissipated sums to the matrimonial pool if it is proven that the spending was done in anticipation of divorce or in connection with the affair.
Believing in the Myth of an “Amicable Divorce”
After an affair, emotions often run too high for a truly amicable divorce. Many people confuse the term amicable divorce with a non-contentious divorce, but they are not the same.
An uncontested divorce is when both parties agree on key issues such as property division, maintenance, and child arrangements. This can be achieved through negotiation or mediation.
An amicable divorce, however, implies emotional harmony and goodwill between parties, which is rarely possible immediately after betrayal.
The focus should be on achieving a fair and respectful resolution, not an idealised sense of friendship after separation.
In Singapore, options like mediation or the collaborative divorce process help couples resolve matters cooperatively, while maintaining their legal rights and protecting their long-term interests.
Underestimating the Long-Term Impact of Decisions
In the aftermath of infidelity, fatigue and emotional overwhelm can lead to impulsive decisions. Some may agree to financial or parenting arrangements just to “get it over with,” not realising that these choices have lasting effects.
Before agreeing to any terms, consider:
- Your long-term housing, financial, and emotional stability.
- The impact of custody and care arrangements on your children.
- Whether the proposed settlement truly reflects your needs and contributions.
Divorce is not just a legal process, it is a restructuring of your life. Taking time to make informed decisions helps prevent regret and ensures stability for the future.
Moving Forward
Whether you choose to reconcile or move on, take the time to gather accurate information, seek professional advice, and prioritise your well-being. Understanding your rights early allows you to make decisions based on reason, not reaction.
At Gloria James-Civetta & Co, our family law team assists clients in navigating the complex emotional and legal landscape that follows infidelity. We help you understand your options clearly and take informed steps toward a stable and secure future.
We’re here for you
At GJC Law, our experienced divorce lawyers take the time to understand your situation and guide you through the divorce process with clarity and care.
We’ll explain your options, help you assess your eligibility for divorce in Singapore, and work toward practical solutions that protect your interests and peace of mind.
