Starting a divorce is never easy, especially when you’re unsure how to approach the conversation, protect your interests, or prepare for what comes next. How you begin the process can impact your legal position, children, and emotional well-being.
Some of the most common questions our divorce lawyers are asked involve how to raise the topic of divorce, what pitfalls to avoid early on, and what makes for a strong, fair foundation for negotiations.
At Gloria James-Civetta & Co, we understand that early legal advice can shape the tone and trajectory of your divorce. Led by Ms Gloria James, who has over 30 years of family law experience, our dedicated team of divorce lawyers in Singapore provides clear, strategic guidance to help you move forward confidently and clearly.
– Should I bring up divorce in a conversation or a legal letter? – What are common mistakes to avoid when initiating a divorce? – Is there anything I must avoid doing that could be used against me? – What makes for a strong case for fair division and co-parenting? – Should I have a legal letter drafted before mediation begins? – What other pre-divorce steps should I consider?
Should I bring up divorce in a conversation or a legal letter?
It depends on your current relationship with your spouse.
- If your spouse is generally calm and respectful, a private conversation may be a more considerate way to raise the topic. This approach can help preserve goodwill and cooperation, particularly if you’re aiming for an uncontested divorce.
- If there’s tension or a history of conflict, it may be safer to engage a divorce lawyer to send a formal letter. This can include a non-confrontational invitation to discuss matters or a summary of your proposed arrangements (e.g. division of assets, parenting, maintenance).
How to file for divorce in Singapore – Step-by-step guide to the process.
What are common mistakes to avoid when initiating a divorce?
Not seeking quality legal advice
Every case is different. Relying on friends or online forums may lead to misunderstandings. Always consult an experienced divorce lawyer in Singapore for tailored advice.
Using your spouse’s lawyer
You must have independent legal representation. Your spouse’s lawyer cannot advise or protect your interests.
Acting out of emotion
Avoid impulsive decisions driven by anger, guilt, or revenge. Emotional actions can damage your legal position and harm negotiations.
Lack of financial planning
Understand your likely entitlements, especially if you’re seeking maintenance or dealing with division of matrimonial assets. Good planning prepares you for financial independence post-divorce.
Not updating your will or estate plan
If you die during divorce without a valid will, your spouse may still inherit joint assets. Review your estate plan early.
Is there anything I must avoid doing that could be used against me?
Yes. Certain actions may hurt your case in court or during mediation:
- Withholding access to children – Unless there’s a safety concern, it reflects poorly and may affect custody.
- Sending hostile messages – Angry texts, emails, or social posts can be used as evidence and may lead to protection orders.
- Hiding assets – Courts may draw adverse inferences and penalise you during asset division.
- Involving children in conflict – Don’t speak negatively about the other parent or use your children to communicate.
- Making unilateral decisions – Big financial or parenting decisions should be discussed with your spouse to avoid appearing unreasonable.
What makes for a strong case for fair division and co-parenting?
Singapore’s Family Justice Courts support the principles of Therapeutic Justice. A strong case reflects cooperation, respect, and child-focused planning.
Evidence of contributions
Document both financial and caregiving contributions. This includes income, caregiving tasks, emotional support, and household responsibilities.
Cooperative parenting
Show willingness to support your child’s relationship with your spouse. Courts favour parents who prioritise the child’s well-being.
Stable and practical parenting plan
Propose a clear plan for care and control, access, and major decisions. Balance consistency with flexibility, and show you’re open to adapting as the child’s needs evolve.
Respectful communication
Maintain civility with your spouse in all interactions — this supports your credibility as a capable co-parent.
Financial transparency
Be honest about your assets and liabilities. Concealing information can backfire during proceedings.
Explore What is Divorce Mediation.
Should I have a legal letter drafted before mediation begins?
Yes. A well-crafted legal letter:
- Frames your intentions and proposals clearly
- Encourages focused, structured mediation discussions
- Demonstrates seriousness and good faith
- Creates a written record of your position
This letter can outline key matters such as custody, access, maintenance, and division of assets, giving you a strong starting point for negotiation.
What other pre-divorce steps should I consider?
Here are practical actions that can help safeguard your interests:
Stay in the matrimonial home
Unless otherwise agreed, don’t move out before discussing access and care arrangements.
Plan conversations with your spouse and children
Prepare a joint or supported discussion to reassure your children. Emphasise continued involvement from both parents.
Document financial contributions
Keep records of expenses, CPF statements, school fees, transfers, caregiving tasks, and communications related to parenting or finances.
Get a valuation of your matrimonial property
This helps assess what you may receive from the sale and plan for your housing needs (e.g., buying a smaller flat for weekend stays with your children).
Draft a proposed access plan
Include weekend access, weekday dinners, holidays, and video calls. Courts appreciate detailed, well-considered parenting proposals.
Learn more about parenting rights.
Plan Strategically with an Experienced Divorce Lawyer
At Gloria James-Civetta & Co, our team, led by Ms Gloria James with over 30 years of family law experience, offers strategic, practical advice for every stage of your divorce. From the first conversation to final orders, we’re here to help you prepare thoroughly and protect your interests.
We’re here for you
When you contact our matrimonial law team, we will provide you with a consultation, tailored to your specific circumstances and goals in mind.
Our goal is to help you find a resolution that works for you.
