No divorce comes without its challenges. Even calm situations bring uncertainty, difficult decisions, and emotional strain.
This experience is heightened when the other party has strong narcissistic traits; when that happens, many people find that the experience becomes something very different altogether. The divorce process becomes more exhausting, more confrontational, and often far more drawn out than they expected.
At Gloria James-Civetta & Co. (GJC Law), our family lawyers regularly hear this line from Clients: “This feels far more complicated than it should be.”
A pattern of manipulation, blame-shifting, refusal to compromise, and behaviour that prolongs the conflict are traumatic events which the spouses of narcissistic individuals often experience. To top it all off, children are often involved as well, increasing our clients’ worries even amidst the demanding legal process.
Below, we explain what divorcing a narcissistic spouse can look like, how such cases commonly unfold in court, and what parents should understand about supporting children at different stages of their development.
Why divorcing a narcissistic spouse feels so different
In many divorces, both parties may be upset, but they can still set aside their emotions to recognise that, even though the marriage has ended, practical arrangements need to be made. There is usually some willingness, even if limited, to negotiate or compromise, for the sake of their children and to keep things as amicable as can be.
With narcissistic personalities, that willingness is often missing.
Our lawyers frequently hear clients say that their spouse seems unable to accept responsibility for anything, no matter how clear the facts are. Even small disagreements can turn into major disputes.
This may mean that reasonable offers to settle are rejected, simply because agreeing would mean they have to give up control.
In practice, we often see behaviour such as:
- Constantly shifting blame onto the other spouse
- Rewriting events to present themselves as the victim
- Turning routine matters into legal battles
- Using children, finances, or access arrangements as leverage
- Treating divorce as something to “win” rather than resolve
When this happens, the process tends to become a prolonged and unnecessarily costly exercise, while being far more emotionally draining than most people anticipate.
Read more: Narcissistic Abuse in Marriages: A Singaporean Perspective
Why court proceedings are so common in these cases
Many clients ask us, “Why won’t they just settle?”
From experience, narcissistic spouses often prefer court proceedings because the structure of litigation itself serves their interests best.
Bringing the matter to court allows them to avoid personal accountability by blaming the judge or the system, while still letting them keep control by forcing the other party to adhere to court-directed deadlines. They may also drag matters out through delays and technical disputes, just so that they may subject their spouse to conflict in a formal setting.
This is why divorces involving narcissistic behaviour in Singapore are more likely to involve contested hearings, multiple court appearances, and lengthy disputes over custody or finances.
A practical approach that protects your legal position
One principle that often helps clients regain some sense of control is simple: respond, don’t react.
The way to do that? Understanding how the legal system in Singapore works.
In family proceedings, written evidence, patterns of behaviour, financial records, and consistent parenting arrangements bear legal weight. Emotional reactions, especially in writing or in front of the court, are often adversely viewed.
For this reason, our lawyers commonly advise clients to keep communication between spouses factual and brief, while avoiding confrontational messages. They should also ensure they have copies of relevant documents and records, to allow affidavits and legal submissions to accurately represent the facts in their completeness.
Staying steady is not passive. In court, it is often the most active thing you can do.
Read more: How to Deal with a Narcissist Spouse during the Divorce Proceedings
The effect on children is often the most painful part
For many parents, the hardest part of all is watching how the conflict affects their children.
Children may not understand legal arguments or court documents, but they are able to feel tension, instability, and emotional shifts very clearly.
Our lawyers frequently see situations where children are exposed to adult dispute, as they feel pressured to take sides while experiencing repeated changes to parenting schedules. This makes them feel caught between parents in subtle but damaging ways.
Singapore courts place strong emphasis on the welfare of the child. Behaviour that disrupts a child’s emotional stability or damages their relationship with the other parent can have serious legal consequences.
How children experience divorce at different ages
Children process changes in their family unit very differently depending on their developmental stage. Understanding this helps parents respond in ways that can protect both their children as well as their legal position.
Toddlers (under 3 years)
Toddlers cannot understand what divorce means, but they experience change deeply through routine and emotional connection. When their usual routine is disrupted, parents often notice clinginess, sleep disturbances, fear of being alone, and regression to earlier behaviours. What helps most is simple explanations repeated calmly, predictable routines, reassurance through actions as well as words, and regular contact with both parents where possible.
Preschoolers (3 to 5 years)
Preschoolers are verbal, imaginative, and highly sensitive to conflict. They may believe the divorce is their fault and thus fear being abandoned. They act out by being unusually emotional or angry, or try to control their environment. In such situations, they need clear reassurance of love, gentle explanations, stable routines, and protection from adult disagreements.
Early school-age children (6 to 8 years)
At this age, children understand fairness and rules. They may become distressed if they think a parent is behaving unfairly, strongly miss the absent parent, side with one parent, or show stress through physical symptoms or school problems. Consistency and emotional safety are crucial.
Preteens (9 to 12 years)
Preteens are socially aware and emotionally complex. They may feel embarrassed about their parents’ divorcing and worry about how their peers see them. In so doing, they may push their parents emotionally, or even experience physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches. All these may result in academic decline. They often want more information, but still need to be shielded from adult conflict.
Teenagers (13 to 19 years)
Teenagers understand more of what divorce is, and why it happens, but are ultimately still developing emotionally. They may feel resentful about changes to lifestyle or finances, become withdrawn or angry, or be forced to take on adult responsibilities too earl. In addition, they may feel guilt about the divorce, or engage in risky behaviour. They benefit from stability, clear boundaries, honest but limited explanations, and reassurance that the divorce is not their fault.
Why parenting arrangements matter legally
In high-conflict divorces, parenting plans are not just administrative documents.
They serve to protect children and reduce future disputes.
Singapore courts consider the stability of living arrangements, predictability of routines, each parent’s willingness to support the child’s relationship with the other parent, and the ability to shield children from conflict. When these factors are undermined, early legal intervention can prevent long-term harm.
Speak with Our Divorce Lawyers in Singapore
If you are navigating a high-conflict divorce or have concerns about how your separation is affecting your children, early legal guidance can make a meaningful difference. Our divorce lawyers at Gloria James-Civetta & Co. regularly assist clients in facing complex custody issues, contested financial matters, and prolonged court proceedings involving difficult or uncooperative spouses.
We take a measured, practical approach to family law matters, focusing on protecting your legal position, while working toward stable and workable outcomes for you and your children.
Each consultation is confidential and tailored to your circumstances, allowing you to better understand your options, the likely court process, and the steps that may be taken to safeguard your interests.
You may contact our firm to arrange a private consultation with one of our divorce lawyers to discuss your situation and the way forward.
We’re here for you
When you contact our matrimonial law team, we will provide you with a consultation, tailored to your specific circumstances and goals in mind.
