Addressing Defensiveness and Anger as you go through your Divorce
Have you started the process of divorce? Are you feeling judged or attacked by the questions your legal team is asking about your marriage? Do you find the questions about your reasons for your marriage ending uncomfortable? Maybe you even feel defensive that you must give reasons for your marriage ending. Are you finding the whole process different than you imagined it would be?
As you may be learning, in order to get divorced you need to have cause. Singapore requires an individual or couple to be able to cite one of the 5 main legal reasons for divorce in Singapore. As such, your divorce lawyer, in order to help you, needs to ask you many questions about the state of your marriage and the reason for ending it. While the process may feel very confronting and uncomfortable, it is a part of the divorce process.
If you have not come to terms with the reasons for ending your marriage, or perhaps you do not even want to end it, this process can be extremely uncomfortable, you may feel judged or defensive. If the marriage has ended due to infidelity these questions can be very painful.
Divorce is not just a legal process but a very emotional one.
The emotions one can experience as you go through the divorce process can be very overwhelming. Your legal team is there to help you with legal matters. But to make the process smoother, a therapist can help you sort out and manage your feelings about the marriage ending and your divorce.
A common feeling around divorce is defensiveness.
When we are feeling defensive that is often a sign that we have not processed our feelings about a situation. Defensiveness is an indication that we are making something that is NOT about us (in this case the divorce lawyers’ standard legal questions) about us. It is not uncommon, especially if you happen to be the person who does not want the divorce. Feelings of judgment or being attacked by your legal team will make it difficult for your team to be able to help you as effectively as they would like to.
Divorce will bring up many unresolved feelings about your marriage that is ending.
It is especially important to be able to get your feelings and the facts sorted. When we have extraordinarily strong feelings such as sadness, anger, guilt or feelings of failure, these strong feelings can influence how we hear, see, and interpret data. These strong feelings, if we do not get a hold of them, can interfere with how we work with the people who are trying to help you.
Therapy is an enormously powerful tool.
It will help you process through all the feelings about your marriage ending. As you move into the divorce proceedings, it is particularly important to have a clear mind and your thoughts and feelings.
If you would like to learn how therapy might be able to help you avoid a life crisis, deal with difficult situations in your personal life, relationship, finances, health or work, contact Tammy Fontana at +6590307239 to learn how therapy might help you.
All in the Family Counselling provide a wide range of ways you can work with us. We provide online therapy, in-office therapy, intensives, and retreats. We have the flexibility to meet you wherever you are to provide consistent therapy to get you the help you need. Just contact us to learn more.