– Are you in the process of ending your marriage?
– Are you thinking about ending your marriage but are uncertain as to how to proceed?
– Has your marriage irreconcilably ended but yet you want to maintain good relationships with your spouse for the benefit of your child(ren)?
The Singapore court hears about 6000 divorces per annum. Of those, 58% of the divorces were filed on a simplified track in which all parties agreed on the matter.
For the other 42% of the cases, 70% of these eventually go on to agree on all ancillary matters with 84% achieving some settlement on their matter. The remainder has a more difficult path to divorce.
Marriage is often entered into with great ambitions and hope. Young people have idealistic notions of marriage and may influence how they decide to get married. As we grow and develop, sometimes people grow apart.
Other times we discover things about one another that are not compatible with marriage and running a functioning, healthy relationship. As a result, people may decide to end their marriage and proceed with the divorce.
When couples decide to divorce and have children it adds to the complication, guilt, and concerns that they have. Ending a marriage is a lot different than starting one. For a divorce to proceed, parties need not be in agreement. Unfortunately, in this case, divorce tends to be more contentious.
One of the best things that parents can do, if they are ending their marriage, is to proceed with a non-adversarial divorce. Parental conflict is very harmful to children. Ending a marriage is difficult because couples are not able to agree on many things.
What couples should avoid is using divorce as a way to control or get another person to do something that they don’t want to do. If somebody tells you what to do and you don’t want to do it, nothing will happen. Divorce lawyers and the divorce process are not good forums to settle marital scores or perceived injustices.
Therapy, however, can be a way of helping couples work through their hurt, their anger, and whatever injustices they may feel they endured during their marriage. Therapy can help individuals or couples understand what is important in ending their marriage.
Quite often strong emotions can get in the way of practical and reasonable solutions. The ultimate goal is to settle the marriage so each person can get on with their life.
Divorces, where children are involved, are more difficult because of the added logistics and the need for 2 people to stay in contact while they raise their children in separate households.
Going forward there will be (2) two households, (2) two rules, (2) two new realities. Both parents and their child(ren) will need to adjust, with the parents setting the rules out.
Therapy can help parents work through the issues that they have with their spouse in order to streamline the transition from being a married couple to two separate households in which they are going to co-parent.
There are many issues that parents have to face when they are going to uncouple their marriage. Things that a divorce lawyer can help you deal with are – the division of assets, setting the ground for divorce, and helping to streamline the filing process.
What lawyers cannot do is make somebody compliant. Divorce lawyers cannot help erase the hurt and damage of a bad marriage. It is very important to understand the limits of what a matrimonial lawyer can do.
A divorce lawyer is not designed to seek revenge or rectify injustices or hurt that occurred in a marriage. This life-changing experience requires a grown-up approach and help from a therapist to help you decide how you want to deal with the hurt, disappointment, and injustices to you and your marriage.
If you would like to learn how therapy can help you transition from being married to a low conflict divorce, contact All In The Family Counselling Centre Pte. Ltd at +65 9030 7239 for information on how we can help you.
“At Gloria James-Civetta & Co, our goal is to help you find a resolution that works for both you and your family. When you contact our expert team, we will provide you with a consultation, tailored to your specific circumstances and goals in mind.”